If you had told me ten years ago that I would now be writing an unpaid movie review for “Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked” I would have likely punched you in the throat and called you a nasty name that involved some combination of douche and bag. Well, here I am.
I took my daughter to see “Chipwrecked” on Sunday. It was a daddy/daughter date and she got to pick whatever she wanted to do. I suggested a trip to the Whitaker Center in Harrisburg or the Turkey Hill Experience in Columbia, Pa. but she insisted on seeing a movie and eating M&Ms. Hard to argue with that.
The problem was that the pickings were pretty slim when it came to kids movies. The only choice was “Chipwrecked” which was playing at the $2 theater in South York. I was a bit worried because my little princess has never seen a movie that was not animated. I wasn’t certain that Jason Lee and some computer generated rodents would hold her attention for 90 minutes. I was sure that the M&Ms would help.
On the ride to the theater she asked if we could get popcorn instead of M&Ms. I was fine with the switch. Popcorn wouldn’t result in a sugar high and would probably last for a good 45 minutes. If you haven’t taken your youngster to the movies yet because you’re worried about how they’ll behave just remember that popcorn is your friend. It works great at the ballpark too.
A few minutes later we passed a billboard for Jimmy John’s. My kids freaking love Jimmy John’s. Of course she asked if we could go to Jimmy John’s for lunch, which I was totally cool with because I freaking love Jimmy John’s. I’m a total slut for fresh baked bread.
So yeah, eventually we made it to the theater and watched the movie. It was generally what I expected. The chipmunks, there are six of them now which I was unaware of because I missed “The Sqequel”, are on a cruise ship for some reason. Alvin acts like an insolent prick and ends up getting the crew into a serious bind. Jason Lee grimaces, screams “Alvin!” and hilarity ensues. It wasn’t totally unwatchable, though the dad in front of me did fall asleep (full on snoring) for a solid 10 minutes. His kids either didn’t notice, didn’t care, or have been numbed by Daddy’s chronic cinematic napping.
The movie held my daughter’s interest for a solid hour or so. We ran out of popcorn at about the 45 minute mark. She spent the next 20 minutes repeatedly asking me why Jeanette, the chubby one, fell down and hurt her foot. I love my girl, but she has no volume recognition of her own voice. Her inquiries became increasingly louder until she finally said “Can we go to Jimmy John’s now?”. The movie was about to crescendo to a thrilling conclusion so we stuck around for a surprisingly entertaining ending.
Baby girl was happy. Who wouldn’t be with a belly full of popcorn? I was happy because I actually got to have her sit quietly on my lap for the better part of an hour. She doesn’t sit still much. We left the theater to head to the beloved Jimmy John’s. As we drove out of the parking lot a tiny voice said “Daddy, can we go to McDonald’s? I don’t like Jimmy John’s anymore.”