I was stunned today when I heard of a football player named Guy Whimper. Yes, that’s his real name. I was even more shocked to to learn that he’s been in the NFL for six years. How the hell did I not know this?
I’m certain that Guy Whimper is a 6’2”, 300 lb. mound of manly ferocity, an uncaged animal, a mountain of beastly aggression who could not doubt rip me in half; but holy hell that is a terrible name for a football player. He’s stuck with the last name Whimper but at least pick a nickname to use in place of Guy. T-Bone Whimper works. Maybe Axel Whimper. Night Train? Adolph? Something! Short of adopting a bad ass nickname Guy Whimper is no doubt pining for the NFL arrival of Pierre Pushover or Bruce Thumbsucker.